Friday, August 15, 2008

The Picture of Dorian Gray

Considering the name of my blog, I feel it is only appropriate that I include a book once in awhile. Hooray for the first.

For years I have said that The Picture of Dorian Gray is one of my favorite books, but I hadn't read it in about 10 years until this month. Luckily, book group decided they wanted to read it too, which gave me an excellent excuse to sit down and decide why it was that I liked this book so much in the first place. Now there are a number of things that people could point out as reasons not to like it, including the incredibly slow beginning, quite disturbing descriptions of opium dens and some homosexual overtones (Oscar Wilde was gay, so this should, to some extent, come as no surprise), but once I got past the first 40 or so pages, I began to remember why I picked this book as one of my favorites early on. In fact, I could hardly put it down. For book group, this is a great choice because it stimulates so much discussion. For me personally, the mere fact that it gets me thinking about agency, redemption, the plan of salvation, and other important aspects of the gospel of Jesus Christ is enough to make it a great read in my book. I think the thing about the story that is the most poignant for me is how we choose our own destiny, and how the choices that we make ultimately determine our character, so much so that after numerous choices in one direction or another it becomes increasingly more difficult to choose those things which have at that moment become contrary to our very nature. How do we react when confronted with truth about ourselves? Are we defensive? Do we justify our actions? Which voices of influence do we heed? Do we allow ourselves to shrug off our sins? Or do we face them, realizing what we've done and being accountable for our actions? Do we know from what source our redemption comes? And then, of course, one may ask the question, what would my portrait look like? If I could see the state of my own soul before my eyes as clear as day, with my sins etched across my face and hands, what would I see? Alas the very sad thing about this book is how redemption is passed up again and again... but you may just have to read it to find out more than that. I love the scripture given in part by Basil, the artist of the portrait: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." ~Isaiah 1:18

Monday, August 04, 2008

Fun with Thunder and Lightning


So, this is the storm that just went by. It was pretty intense. I haven't been that concerned about weather since one particular storm on my mission when my companion and I got stuck in the rain in the city with green skies, wind, lightning and rain. We decided it was best to go home for the evening and wait out the storm, but it took us quite a while to get home as moving about in the storm was really difficult. We finally ended up watching more of the lightning from our apartment when we got back and tried in vain to take several pictures. It was the kind of lightning that just reaches all the way across the sky.

Anyway, I mostly just wanted to show the radar and record the moment since it was Hunter's first really nasty storm. I mean we have thunderstorms here all the time and they turn on the tornado sirens occasionally, but this was the first time it actually felt dangerous. They had the tornado sirens on all around us, even in downtown, which rarely happens, and there were apparently tornadoes on the ground west of us heading east. It was a very fast moving storm, so we went downstairs to hang out with our friends the Olivers for a bit while it blew through. The weather changed incredibly fast from pretty peaceful to so windy and rainy you could hardly see the street. The lightning show that this thing put on was unbelievable. It reminded me of being a kid and watching electrical storms through the sliding glass doors at our house in Oklahoma City.

I love watching lightning, so after the major threat passed, we watched from our living room in awe and tried to teach Hunter the signs for lightning and thunder since we had him out of bed anyway. He loved watching the lights and kept saying "Wow!" Wow indeed. Well, it was brief and it has now moved south and east of us and it continues to grow, which I'm sure means that we will be hearing bad news in the morning about what it might have left in its wake. Here is a video of Hunter watching the lightning with mommy after we had come back upstairs. It is mostly dark, except for the lightning, but there is a really amazing lightning strike right in the middle of it, and of course, Hunter is being his cute little self - not scared at all, just taking it all in.


Alright, so it is now Tuesday, August 5th, and I decided to post some photos of the storm, which were sent in to the Chicago Tribune from Chicagoland residents.




If you'd like to see some more really good photos that I couldn't import, go to NBC 5 News Chicago. Tornadoes were confirmed in last night's storm, and there was quite a bit of damage. Lots and lots of trees were downed all over the city, including in our neighborhood and water leaked into part of the stairwell of the Oriental Institute, resulting in a good sized hole and lots of water on the main stairway.

Monday, July 07, 2008

The 1978 Revelation on the Priesthood

June 8th, 2008 was the 30th anniversary of the revelation extending the priesthood to every worthy male member of the church. As part of the commemoration, the church showed this video, parts of which were filmed in my ward in Hyde Park, Chicago, IL (If you watch, you'll see Hunter and me in it). Cathy Stokes is featured prominently in the video. She was a member of our ward until she moved to Salt Lake City to work with the church on Family History, and she was the best ward music coordinator/conductor that I have ever seen. She would always have us sing with gusto (all the verses of course)! I looked forward to it every week and it reminded me why we sing the hymns in the first place. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to live where I do, to experience a small part of the infinite diversity among our Heavenly Father's children and to feel the immense amount of love he has for all of us. I am blessed to know and love the saints here in Chicago and to see them enjoying the blessings of the priesthood in their lives. I know that I am infinitely grateful for the blessings the Priesthood has brought into my life. So, without further ado:

Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Monkey in the Family

I have gotten so tired of people asking: "So Hunter's walking now?" "Is he walking yet?" "He is walking isn't he?"

No! No, he's not walking! And that is perfectly okay. I rather enjoy not having to chase him all over the place yet (Although, as the title to this post may suggest, I think my days of not having to worry about that may be ending in an unexpected way). Keeping up with his super crawler speed is perfectly alright with me. At first when people started asking, I started to worry that there was something actually wrong, especially since some people followed up my reply with a "Really?! Huh, well, hopefully everything's okay..." (give me a break here - I'm pretty laid back for the most part, but sometimes that nervous first time mother takes over). Then I realized that he really just has no interest in it. He can do it - he's done it essentially on his own already several times (he likes to hold my pant leg or finger, but he's really doing all the work). But, for the most part, he is just content to transport himself around in other ways. For instance, he's what I call a "knee-walker", and the way he looks when he's doing it reminds me of Johnny 5 (I realize I may be dating myself here) or Wall-E in that new Pixar movie.





I mean, look at this photo and tell me you don't see the similarity (granted, those robots have nothing on my cute little man's adorableness!):

He will sit on his knees, just like this all the time, and then, when he wants to go somewhere, he just starts walking along on his knees, just like that. Look ma! No hands! It has to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen. I figured that when he wanted to carry things with him like his milk or the telephone, he would learn to walk, but knee-walking gives him the use of his hands and fulfills his need to carry something and move at the same time. Overall it seems to be a very useful form of transportation for him. Needless to say, I am relieved it is summertime since he had just worn out the knees in the only pair of jeans I had for him, and was working on holes in most of his other pants.

Well, speaking of getting around he also likes to climb... and climb... and climb. I thought this was incredibly fun and exciting when he first learned to get up on the couch and the ottoman all by himself. See, here he is on the couch enjoying his other favorite pastime, talking on the phone (and while we're on the subject, he really does talk by the way - most of the time it sounds like he is saying "hi", "wow" and "pickle" intermixed with goos, gaas and raspberries. His expressions are great too - he looks so serious when he's listening!).

Anyway, as I said before, I thought the climbing was adorable at first. That was until I realized that Hunter really does love to climb - as high as he can go. His amazing flexibility, nimble little body and incredible strength are incredibly useful to him in his climbing endeavors. Sometimes I really do believe that he is made of rubber. Here is one of his new climbing places:


He stood up there for about six or seven minutes before attempting to get up onto the very top of the armchair, which I wasn't about to allow. I mean, the armchair rocks for goodness sake! Does that deter him - hmm... no, no it does not. Well, today being the first day that he actually climbed up on my desk all by himself, I felt I should write about the moment. Not only did he get up on the desk by himself, but he quickly headed for the bookcase on my desk as if he was going to figure out a way to get up that too. This development takes me into a whole new realm of baby proofing. I'm not even quite sure what the next steps should be. Of course, now that he knows he can climb up to high places, that is pretty much all he wants to do. Who needs to walk when you can climb?! I think all those bananas are nourishing my little guy's inner monkey.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

We are meant to shine...

I love this quote and I wanted to share it. I don't want to expound too much on it and ruin any thoughts others reading it might have. I'll just say that I feel we too often fail to see the divinity in ourselves and in others. I read this and I think of Matthew 5:16 - "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Imagine what the world could be if we all chose to radiate the Light of Christ that is in us.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~ Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I'm a "Kids R Fun" Momma

“Whatever I enjoy—playing tag or singing in the car—I can do it with kids around. And it’s totally legitimate!”
  • Playful and energetic, the ENFP mother finds her children to be good company and enjoys being with them. In fact, she says being with children justifies her own “being a kid again.” And children say she’s fun to be with — spontaneous, hearty, and imaginative.
  • Naturally drawn to introducing her children to the joys of life, the ENFP is something of a free spirit. She is less concerned with rules, routines, and schedules, and more inclined to give her children plenty of free time to play, explore on their own or with her, and have fun together.
  • Tuned in to her children, the ENFP mother enthusiastically encourages each one’s individuality and unique potential through a great variety of experiences. She is also quick to identify with others’ feelings and thoughts, making her an empathetic supporter of her children, not to mention her mate and many, many friends.
http://www.motherstyles.com/quiz.asp


Hmmm... yep, I can see that. My poor babysitters - no wonder it took me so long to get Hunter on a schedule.

Monday, March 24, 2008

My Birthday Suit

I went swimming tonight. I know what you're thinking - "oh my... what on Earth is she writing about?" No no - it's nothing like that - gee whiz people! I got a new swimsuit for my birthday from my mom and dad and it is wonderful, amazing, fabulous!!! There it is on the left - yay! I can't even begin to express how happy I am with my new birthday suit (you like the name I've given it don't you? Oh, come on, admit it! It's funny!) - it felt so good to swim in something that is built for swimming, as opposed to say tanning, walking on the beach, or looking cute while laying on a towel or in a pool chair. I mean, there are a lot of swimsuits out there that have absolutely NOTHING to do with swimming! This is somewhat frustrating for little me who actually goes swimming to swim. It is actually my favorite way to exercise (apart from skiing or hiking, which you just can't do in the Midwest - sorry Wisconsin, those mole hills just don't cut it, I'm a Rocky Mountain girl). I love swimming - love, love, love it!! And I had so much fun tonight. There are a couple of reasons for my exuberance of joy at the present moment - let me expound:

1. I haven't truly gone swimming since Hunter was born (maybe once or twice - that doesn't count), so that was how long ago? Yeah, I don't even want to think about it. It makes me cringe. I did swim up until the week before he was born, but you know, then I had a new baby, so... that went out the window for awhile. Here he is - isn't he the cutest? I know, I know, he's completely adorable and you wish you could run away with him somewhere fun (well, that may just be me).

2. I did 30 laps tonight, which is about 750 meters - nowhere near close to my regular mile, but I felt that was a pretty good start considering (I mean, I felt like I was dying for the first 8 laps. For some reason I always get in a groove after that. This is good - it means I can go longer than I would have thought, and it's also not so good since sometimes I forget how tired I am getting and only realize it later when I try to stand on real ground and find my legs trying to wobble into oblivion. Luckily, I didn't have any of that tonight, although I am sure I will be sore tomorrow. It's a good hurt!)

3. My new suit fits fabulously. It was so nice to have a swimsuit that isn't so old, or small, or just not made for swimming that it catches water in the front (which can lead to the untimely and embarrassing display of certain body parts). I also rather enjoyed not having to pull my swimsuit out of my behind at every turn - okay, there's always going to be the occasional adjustment (and water slide wedgies don't count), but if this happens to you all the time, then your suit is just too small or showing entirely too much of your backside! Get another one (that, of course, is just my opinion). There's a lot to be said for swimsuit modesty, which is something that I applaud LandsEnd for - hurrah! Granted, not all of their suits are modest, but they have a very good selection of ones that are - and for you beach loungers, they have some nice "cute" suits as well that will have you looking adorable on your towel. Take this suit on the right, for example - it's darling! And the front is cute too - not low cut, and still very flattering. Anyway, I have made my point. Besides, modest suits just fit better - trust me.

4. My new swimming goggles don't fog up AT ALL!! I love it - I can see the clock while I swim, I can see the other swimmers, I can see the bottom of the pool, I can see everything! Yay! I was so sick of foggy goggles! Yay for Speedo and their wonderful swim goggles. I didn't buy them directly from Speedo, so they were more affordable than I expected, and very worth the extra few dollars to upgrade from the really cheap goggles. Cheap goggles fog! And not being able to see doesn't do anyone any good.

5. I out-swam the two guys swimming next to me. Yes, you read that right - I swam faster than they did, and for longer as well. Ha! Now I know that this has nothing to do with aerodynamics, my form (I had an awfully difficult time keeping my behind up - I blame my baby-stretched abs), or being in shape - they looked like they've exercised a lot more than me in the past year. So, I am going to credit my success to my birthday suit yet again and relish in my victory. Of course, the truth probably is that they did some other workout before swimming and were just cooling down, or that all of the less adept swimmers (the not as serious cap-less crew) go at night, but I am happy with my success nonetheless. Take that!!

So, now I am ready and excited to take on the pool several more times to prepare for the summer. Funny that I had to move away from the mountains to a city next to a giant lake to figure out how much I love to swim. Thank goodness I had the opportunity (rest easy mountains, you know you will always be my first love). Give me a few weeks and I'll be ready to take on the lake (assuming the weather cooperates). Watch out Lake Michigan, you haven't got a chance!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A Quote to Share

I became aware of this quote as I was reading one of my sister's posts on her blog. Being in the situation I am (having a young son while getting a PhD full-time and as a member of a faith where many women choose to stay at home with their children rather than work full-time) I found this quote wonderful.

Now, my preference is to be at home with my son as much as humanly possible. I love being a mother. And when I need to go out and study, I just take Hunter with me. Here he is in the Ancient Studies room at the library at Brigham Young University this summer getting used to the bookshelves so that he can study with momma. Yes, he is smiling. I take that as a good sign. What a cutie pie!


I also know that God has blessed me with certain talents and that I have the opportunity to use those talents for the good not only of myself, but of my family and the community where I study and live. In the process, I get to do what I love. If you'd like more of my opinion on the issue and the circumstances related to my stumbling upon this quote, visit my sister's blog. I pretty much agree with her wholeheartedly.

This is a quote from Brigham Young, the second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I find this quote inspiring because it was given at a time when our society viewed men and women and their respective roles very differently than it does today. Indeed, the fight for "women's rights" in the United States, including the right to vote, was just getting going in the 19th century. As an interesting aside, Colorado, Utah and Idaho were the first three states to grant women the right to vote, and the only states to do so before the turn of the century. I feel so blessed to be able to have the opportunity not only to pursue my PhD, but to do it without sacrificing the blessing of motherhood. If it had to be a choice, then I would have to choose motherhood. I mean books are cool, but they can't beat the blessing of a little baby. I am so grateful to live in a time where I have the opportunity to do both.


"As I have often told my sisters in the Female Relief Societies, we have sisters here who, if they had the privilege of studying, would make just as good mathematicians or accountants as any man; and we think they ought to have the privilege to study these branches of knowledge that they may develop the powers with which they are endowed. We believe that women are useful, not only to sweep houses, wash dishes, make beds, and raise babies, but that they should stand behind the counter, study law or physics, or become good bookkeepers and be able to do the business in any counting house, and all this to enlarge their sphere of usefulness for the benefit of society at large. In following these things they but answer the design of their creation" (Discourses of Brigham Young pp. 216-217).

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Some Thoughts on Creativity and Education

Have you ever watched a little child? Just watched? Just to see what they can do? They are absolutely amazing. My son is not even a year old and I am constantly amazed by his ability to learn and be creative with what his has at his disposal, whether it be to communicate with those around him or just to play and have fun. He's cute, isn't he? I am really in awe of children and their incredible ability to grow and learn and absorb everything that is around them, and I wonder why it is that many people lose the will and desire to explore, to imagine and to be creative as they age. Well, many have been taught to leave their dreams and talents behind for something "practical," "better" and "secure" in their education. I recently came across this video dealing with children, creativity and education. It is a talk given by Sir Ken Robinson in 2006 about how children today are being educated "out of their creativity." I was profoundly struck by it and the arguments that Sir Robinson makes. Mostly because I couldn't agree more. We all start out as little children: fun, loving, spontaneous, creative, willing to take a risk. Of course, there are many other attributes of children I could list that many adults let fall by the wayside as they age. I have recently started to wonder why it is that so many grown-ups let themselves "grow out" of some of their talents because they are "impractical," "take too much time," "won't provide a decent income," the list goes on and on. For goodness sake, few adults still dream about going to the moon again, or going to Mars. Even these scientific pursuits don't hold the attention of the masses because even in science there is a distinction between what's useful and practical for everyday life and what's not. Of course, there is a whole other discussion I could go into just about that (loving the exploration of space as I do), but I will leave that for another day.

So... take, for example, my mother. My mother used to be an artist. I believe that she still is, but she continues to refute this fact herself. She says things like, “It's been too long,” “I don't remember,” and so on. She really is quite talented. When she had children, she pretty much gave up art altogether, aside from a couple of job related activities here and there and drawing pictures for the kiddos, something which even now she at times refuses saying things like, "I can't draw very well anymore." Now, being of the generation that I am and believing very strongly that you can be both a wonderful mother and continue to cultivate your talents and use them for the benefit not only of those in your immediate sphere, but for the "benefit of society at large" (See, for example, my quote of the month), the choice she made bothers me immensely . However, for my mother, cultivating this talent alongside her family life seemed impractical, something for which I cannot fault her, her experiences being what they were. Now that I am older, I have witnessed her bemoan the fact that she gave it up, yet feeling too far from it to be able to do it again. How would things have been different if she believed that her talents were worth nurturing after she finished her education? It doesn't really do much good to speculate. The thing I want to point out is that at some point my mother was educated in such a way that she chose to stifle her creativity.


I believe that sometimes we think that we’re past the kind of thinking and education that led my mother to believe that it would be better for her to give up something she loved. We believe we are “more advanced,” that we’ve “progressed” beyond all that, that we have “the American Dream” to fulfill our lives and expectations, that we are “educated,” and able to “make something” of our lives. However, our system of education often holds children back from being able to explore and expand upon their talents and creativity. We really are "educating people out of their creativity." There is a protocol for what is proper and accepted as “useful” education and studying something else, say English, will leave you working at McDonald’s or the local movie theater (my best friend Claire has some first hand experience with this one). In fact, if you do go into the Humanities, often you’ll hear that the only really useful course for you is to pursue your PhD and become a professor (as Sir Robinson puts it, a “disembodied head”).Of course, that is rather ridiculous. There are a number of other ways to use your talents in those fields, but the educational system would often have you believe otherwise. Take my course of study, for instance. What on earth will I do with a degree that is teaching me how to read clay tablets from 3000 years ago? The first thing everyone asks me when I tell them what I am doing is “Oh, are you going to be a professor?” That does not offend me. In fact, I often wonder, 'what else can I do?' I mean, come on. There's only so much you can do with clay tablets, right? So, I do have aspirations in that direction (something which has also been mostly taught to me I suspect - I mean, professors are the pinnacle of education right? Even in the sciences.). It fits doesn't it, me living in my head and “a little off to the side”? Ah, yes, another way of describing the eccentricities of being a professor. As many in my field have told me, "you really have to be somewhat crazy to want to do what we do," and I agree this is rather true.


My sister has a different sort of story. She is a genius. I have told her this before, but then retracted the comment for fear of giving her an unnecessary ego boost (she is, after all, quite confident in who she is and her abilities). She went to college at age 16 and graduated with an associate degree when she was 17. She now has a master’s degree in Theater for Young Audiences (here's some of the cast from The Jungle Book, which she just directed). Now, one might wonder why she would choose that particular area of interest. I mean, she’s a genius right? Even I used to say (following the lead of my parents and others), “Wow, she is so smart! She could do anything she wants with brains like that! Why on earth is she studying theater? She should be going into medicine! She should be a surgeon!” What do those statements say about my education? Yeah, you guessed it. Well, my sister has a talent for theater. She really does. She is excellent at it. What a shame that people looked at her educational accomplishments and lamented the fact that she was not going into the sciences, or some other field that could “really use a brain like hers.” There it is right there; education stifling creativity, but my sister ignored all that and did what she loved, and her life is better for it.


Then, of course there is me. I left high school with the firmly instilled belief that I hated history and foreign languages. Now I am in a PhD program at the University of Chicago studying the languages, history and culture of Ancient Mesopotamia.

So, how did I get here? As a child, I used to love to pretend. Anything and everything was my imaginative playground. I played games based on nothing but what I could come up with in my head and wrote story after story of far off lands, places and people. In fact, I was so imaginative that a child psychologist at my school met with my mother to tell her that I didn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy. As if my imagination was part of some terrible psychological condition! Well, somewhere along the way I learned that my imagination was not going to get me anywhere in life, and I decided that was true. So, I stopped writing stories. If I was going to help people and make a difference in the world, I needed to be a doctor, or something like it. Science was the way to go. When I entered college, I chose to study Microbiology so that I could become a pediatrician. Fortunately, I was able to serve a mission for my church in Hungary for a year and a half, taking a break from my educational pursuits. On one particular day, some of the other missionaries and I went to visit a Hungarian historical site called Ă“pusztaszer, the place where the Magyars (Hungarians) are believed to have come into and conquered the Carpathian Basin. At the site, they have a beautiful, large panoramic painting recreating the momentous arrival of the Magyars into what is now Hungary. Here are some small excerpts:

As I looked at the painting I was immediately pulled into my imagination. I imagined what it must have been like, what the people were like, what their lives were like, and it suddenly struck me that I love history. Not only that, but that I should be studying history. What on earth was I studying Microbiology for anyway? It was because that was something that I had been taught was useful! Something admired and beneficial to society! Sir Robinson mentions his forthcoming book Epiphany in the video (I would now very much like to read one of his other books Out of Our Minds: Learning to Be Creative); well, that experience was my epiphany. I also had the privilege of learning Hungarian and realized how much I love language. I went through my entire experience in public education believing that I disliked the things that my talents were most suited for. I finally felt that I had found my niche.


So, I ask the question: How many children in our educational system will never discover their creative talents for the treasures that they are because of the constant belittlement in our educational system of creativity in music, art, creative writing, dance, and other avenues of creative expression? In fact, the only areas where creativity seems to be fostered is in technological areas, but that is a discussion for another day. There are of course, a number of directions that this discussion could go that I haven't even touched upon. I really could go on and on, but I think I had better leave it at that.